by Kristina
On the ICE, the smell of coffee is enticing, even though I’ve imposed a coffee restriction on myself this week. We should all occasionally take breaks and stick to just water and/or tea to give our bodies a rest.
The quote above may surprise some readers. It comes from one of the smartest people I’ve ever met – my dear friend Joelma. I met Joelma two and a half years ago when her presence saved a poorly organized retreat run by a highly irresponsible man (who has thankfully since gone bankrupt).
This year, we met again when I visited her in São Paulo at her secondhand clothing store. A few days later, I picked her up, and we traveled to Ubatuba, where I had organized an exchange retreat for my friends. In the end, only one other friend, Miss S., was able to join us; the others couldn’t make it due to work and other commitments. But three is a good number, and the experience was enriching. Between the three of us, there was an age gap of about five to six years, which may not always matter but in our case brought an interesting dynamic due to slight differences in maturity.
At the exchange retreat, we learned from one another on equal footing. Joelma, being the most reflective among us, provided us with valuable guidance on our inner journeys. At the same time, the younger Miss S. shared impressive experiences that enriched us “older ladies.” The quote in the title came about when Miss S. asked us if we had ever read anything by author X. Joelma replied, “I have never read a book in my life!” Joelma grew up in an overly protective family that placed great value on rules and good manners but was limited in resources. She received the best education her family could provide.
I don’t want to feel sad that Joelma has never read a book; instead, I find it remarkable. On this journey, I encountered at least one other exceptionally intelligent and kind-hearted person in a similar situation. This shows us that it is ultimately our own life choices, reflections, and courage that initiate an inner development process and lead to true richness in knowledge. This allows us to see more clearly behind the scenes of the societal theater in which we find ourselves. This idea of self-direction reminds me of J. Krishnamurti’s belief that we should not follow religious, political, or other doctrines to answer life’s great questions – such as the one that many continue to struggle with: Is there a God?
In recent years, Joelma has radically steered her life in the right direction, letting go of many things that held her back. She is one of the smartest, most reflective, empathetic, and courageous people I know. I must emphasize this, as I have met thousands of people in my life across this vast globe. People in her neighborhood often say about her: “She’s gone crazy! She had a thriving hair salon, a husband, three kids, everything... and one day she sent her employees away. Now she has this secondhand store.” But she doesn’t care that many don’t understand what’s really happening.
In truth, Joelma left an unhappy marriage where she was suppressed and controlled by negative energies. This marriage and her life as a mother did not fulfill her in that context. Even her successful hair salon didn’t bring her happiness, as it was built on societal ideals of beauty. The work with harsh chemicals that women repeatedly applied to their bodies clashed with her inner convictions.
Despite the challenges, Joelma managed to forgive her past – both herself and others. It will still take time for the wounds of her marriage to fully heal, as her ex-husband continues to try to exert control through their children. But she is optimistic that her children will eventually find a healthy path for themselves and take responsibility for their own lives.
Through deep reflection, Joelma has found her way. Her secondhand store is her way of making the world a little better. She also sees it as a response to the problems of overconsumption and shopping addiction. Before I left Brazil, Jo and I agreed that she would regularly send children’s clothing and books to the indigenous village I had visited. What is excessive in the city is often desperately needed elsewhere – a bitter irony when we think of the environmental burden caused by fast fashion and the mountains of clothing waste in Chile, consisting of deliberately destroyed items that weren’t sold in a given season.
While we may not be able to solve global problems today, we can at least turn inward and reflect on our own issues – just as my dear friend Joelma has done. Meditation, contemplation, and moments of quiet are essential for recognizing what we truly need in any given moment. And then: get to work!
For some, inspiration might come from books, but never underestimate your own power of regeneration. Find your own path – with or without books, just like Joelma.
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